Relationships require a lot of work, and long distance relationships require even more work. Relationships aren’t meant to be easy contrary to the popular belief that its meant to be a smooth ride. It is a roller-coaster experience. In fact they are so great because we spend a lot of time working to have strong relationships. Not only with our significant other, but with our friends and people in general.
In our world today where we mostly live on the internet, I worry about the future of relationships and romance. Gone are the days of writing letters and sending flowers, courting and pure soulful romance. Now most relationships are void of that, save for the “have you eaten and how was work today texts, weekend booty call and credit alerts for hair and nails”
Infact, if you look around you you might see couples out together in fancy clothes and sea-side restaurants but half the time they’re on their phone! the only time they pause to look at each other is to pose to take a selfie for the gram. And the shocking part is all is well and good! Both partner’s have their needs being met so seemingly all is well and good. No wonder there are so many divorce stories out there these days.
Don’t even get me started on the “E-Feminists”! Oh My! The ones that stan Cardi -B who sang “i be quick to cut a nigga off so don’t get comfortable” yet she got married to Offset, a man with numerous “baby mamas” who’ll probably never stop cheating on her. Or the Beyonce worshippers who probably don’t know that Jay and Beyonce will make millions off singing about the infidelity in their marriage while y’all can’t hold a relationship because “Beyonce said”.
I’m very proud to say that over the years, I’ve learnt some key things that make any kind of relationship to work. Those three things are commitment, communication and compromise. Don’t ask about LOVE just yet, we will get to that.
COMMITMENT
Ever heard the words “I’m not really sure if i want that level of commitment right now, i mean we’re exclusive and doing everything couples do but i’d like us to remain friends” – or “i feel like if we put a tag on it it’ll become restrictive and i”ll feel choked” does this remind you of someone? maybe even yourself? LOL.
There goes my generation and commitment. We flee from it!
For many people, they’re comfortable staying in empty relationships to satisfy their basic needs while some of us are looking for true love, a soul mate, or profound connections.
In order for us to know how to commit, we need to understand what it means to be committed. Our needs are changing, and we live in a society where our individuality is a big part of our growth process and who we are as a whole.
There is a thick line between verbally committing to something without a real sense of commitment and an authentic sense of commitment. To whom and how much you want to commit are personal choices depending on your personality, your needs, your emotional maturity, your lifestyle and your thinking process. The key is to know yourself and to be honest to yourself and to others with whom you have a relationship with. You may want to commit casually in some cases and more seriously in other cases depending on how much you feel close to the person you are committing to. But if you find yourself wanting a stable and long-lasting relationship, then it is fundamental to make a stronger commitment.
When you commit, it helps you hold it down on those days that doesn’t feel like your “honeymoon”, and it helps you sustain whatever you are committed to despite tough times while at the same time respecting each other’s freedom and individuality.
COMMUNICATION
This is another essential lesson I’ve learned, even in your daily interaction with people communication is important so you know that you’re on the same page and you don’t create unnecessary expectations.
A lot of problems are caused by not communicating. Believe me I know days get busy and it is hard to communicate over text, but figure out what works for you and your significant other and make it work.
Without communication a lot slips “under the rug”. You don’t know whats going on in each other lives. You don’t really know how one another is doing, and you don’t know how you can help them, or make their day better if you aren’t communicating.
Talk and share everything about your day, everything from good to bad and in between. It helps you know what you can do for each other.
Don’t say its okay when its not, talk about how you feel about a situation and work it out.
In my last relationship we had two rules that we applied no matter how crazy the fights we had got and it was really helpful.
- Never go to bed without talking about the issue.
- Regardless of how upset we were, we had to say “Goodnight baby”
The last one is especially very amusing because imagine having to say “goodnight baby” when all i want to do is yell till i can’t hear myself. LOL
When you’re in a relationship where you can communicate freely with your partner, your bond is stronger and your friendship will hold you through the days that “love doesn’t feel enough”.
COMPROMISE
When it comes to compromise, we are very lacking in this our generation. Somehow, we’re conditioned to not “give up too much” or “do too much” in a relationship so our partners don’t take us for granted and what this has done is turned us into a generation of self-absorbed lovers that can’t see past our needs enough to effectively care for our partners.
I can’t be in a relationship where I’m worried if people think I’m doing too much for my partner. Please how many of us are dating ourselves? LOL.
Compromise is one of the fundamental things required to make a relationship work. As an individual, before you go into a relationship you need to know what you can and cannot compromise on.
For example, i don’t watch how a man treats me, i watch how he treats everyone else, especially people beneath him. Why? a man can be nice to me because he has a goal, and he’ll do whatever it takes to get there but fundamentally is he a good person or is he just good to me?
I like a man that smells good, and looks good but these things can be taught/learnt unlike character flaws so before anything, i have a clear definition of what i can’t compromise on.
I’m a hopeless romantic, and God-forbid i end up with a man I’m scared to give a 100% to because I’m worried he’ll think I’m too soft or too nice. We will spoil each other to infinity, Lol.
Don’t be selfish with your emotions, if you feel it, show it!
Dear men, washing plates while she cooks won’t make you go bald i promise you. My dear ladies, learning to play PES will not increase the price of weaves, you can make him watch telemundo after if that’s what you like and both parties go to bed happy.
The more shared activities between you the more time you have to bond! Imagine cooking together, eating while watching a chick-flick then ending the night with a soccer game, you might even get a massage after because everyone is happy and in a great mood.
Always know what works for your relationship! Don’t listen to the people that say “reduce the number of times you call he’ll think you’re too available” or “You’re a man don’t be so emotional she’ll take you for granted”. Are they in the relationship with you?
If you communicate, commit and make compromises, your relationship will be stronger. No relationship is perfect. Keep trying if it is worth it.
Nice article. It was Insightful and I like your writing style.
Thank you Tayo! I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Nice write up. What an in-depth description of how relationships could work despite the busyness of this generation.keep it up, looking forward to your next write up
Thank you!! I’m glad you enjoyed it, maybe we’ll talk about Love next week ☺️☺️
Nice write up. I especially like the personal examples 😀
“Goodnight baby”. I laughed a little too much at that because I know no matter how mad you are at your partner, having to say something like that to them at the end of the day irrespective of who did what to who during the day will definitely soften your hearts and break whatever ice was in between you guys. Way to go Lily, This was a great read. I expect to see more of your writings
Don’t be selfish with your emotions if you feel it show it. I love writing short romantic letters and the funny little pranks but sadly most men don’t even understand all of that anymore. Beautiful write up
Communication! Some of us have gotten so comfortable with being alone we forget we actually have to communicate with our partner(s) when we’re in relationships.
We also get used to listening to other people’s relationship problems and helping to solve them which is good but sometimes it helps us paint a negative picture of how relationships work in hour generation how they aren’t worth the “stress”