A Nigerian man identified as Ifeanyi Okali, took to Facebook to narrate his story of depression, which he was diagnosed of in April 2011 at a Private Neuro-Psychiatric Hospital in Lagos.
According to Ifeanyi who recently celebrated his 29th birthday, who said he is still on medication till date, he was placed on some anti-depressant and mood stabilizing drugs daily since 2011 and he feels a lot better now than before.
Here’s what he wrote;
The Untold Story of My Struggle With Depression.
There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you – Maya Angelou
My name is Ifeanyi Okali, I’m 29 today and I’m suffering from Depression.
I was diagnosed to be suffering from Depression in April 2011 at a Private Neuro-Psychiatric Hospital in Lagos. Though the signs started manifesting in 2007, a year after I left secondary school.
Though I was placed on some anti-depressant and mood stabilizing drugs daily ever since 2011, I’m still on the medications till date and I feel a lot better now than before.
I will be living a lie, if I say I’m not dealing with anything. The full blown effects of the illness came into full light during my university days. It affected my social life and relationship with friends, course mates and people generally.
I was a loner and I kept to myself a lot. It affected my performance in school too, because I dreaded attending lectures, I hated crowded lecture halls.
Depression can cause someone to find even the simplest task difficult and demanding, because I started getting lazy and always on low-energy level.
All I wanted to do then was to cry all day and sleep till I was tired of sleeping. Sleeping was my safe haven to forget the issues and I didn’t want to wake up to the reality of my struggle with depression.
Then, no one seems to understand what I was going through. It affected my perception about a lot of things.
Depression is real. But many people don’t understand the pain, the insomnia, the chronic sadness and misery, the headaches, the mood swings, the phobia, the nervousness, the self-loathing thoughts, the grandiose view about oneself, the low self-esteem, the emptiness, the social anxiety, the shyness and awkward feelings, the heavy blushing, always ill at ease, the negative and energy-sapping thoughts (that is not limited to suicidal thoughts), the Impulsive spending to stay happy (leading to series of debts), the loneliness and lots of emotions riddled with guilt.
But, this is my reality 24/7. This is my worst nightmare. This is something you can not just wish away with wishful thinking, neither is it something you would love to wish your enemies. I have been there before and I know the feeling.
It wasn’t easy being myself, because I was living a lie about so many things. Always feeling embarrassed and awkward about being open with my feelings and emotions. For so many years, right from my teenage age, I was self-destructing and careless. I was neck-deep down into the guilty pleasures of porn and masturbation. Even as a kid, I was bullied and taunted for a having a “big head”. The name calling and all that, at a time gave way to me being withdrawn into my shell.
But God is my saving grace. I know that I will be fine, I know I will be a better person, with God in my heart and You by my side.
And, if they ever tell my story, let it be said that I conquered Depression against all odds with courage and bravery; let it be said that I lived during the time of these three wise and great men; Ogbo Awoke Ogbo, Munachim Amah and Solomon Buchi Bartholomew who are making great impact on my life through their writings.
For everyone, who has made it easier for me in one way or another. I’m forever indebted to you.
Happy 29th Birthday to Me!!!!
©Ifeanyi Okali
February 2018
