Good luck Jonathan Speak Now! By Joseph Edgar

Browse By

Ex President Goodluck Jonathan

Look what is leadership when your boys are being picked up daily on such a huge matter and you remain silent. This to me is not leadership at all o, this is close to small cowardice. Let me tell a small story. In my secondary school, Command Secondary School Ipaja, we used to go and ‘steal’ the chickens reserved for teachers. Now this was a military school but we were daily fed with measly and tasteless food, so we decided to be raiding the chicken meant for the teaching staff and commandant. This particular day, I had given my troops a verbal instruction to launch the usual raid and move all the frozen chicken to the rendezvous – a village just outside the school compound surrounded by thick forest.

As the leader, I had gone ahead to negotiate with the hungry villagers. The agreement was that their women will help us in the cooking and we shared the chickens into two equal parts. One part for the people who helped in cooking and the other parts for we the ‘thieves’. But nemesis was waiting for us because the commandant had gotten intelligence report that cartons of his beloved frozen chicken were headed towards the Sambisa Forest by a team of thugs led by the ever invincible Joseph Edgar. So he immediately mobilized his troops to set a booby trap and catch us all in action.

What he did not bargain for was my survival instincts. As I was eating, I started smelling their approach. My instincts warned me of danger and I made my move and escaped with my band. We dispersed into different locations and when the hapless troops personally led by the Commandant who was on a rescue mission of his beloved chickens appeared he met only the bones and half eaten Chicken heads we left for them. In anger and frustration, they arrested the villagers and made them confess.

From the confessions of the villagers, they started picking dark, light, skinny and fat young boys. Anybody who fit these descriptions where arrested and taken to the ‘whitehouse’ for severe punishment. Me, the leader had surfaced at the school clinic with complaints of fever and got myself admitted thereby providing for myself a strong Alibi should the investigation ever got to me.

My boys like Dasuki refused to talk but embarked on hunger strike in a bid to escape. But as the days progressed more and more of my boys were picked up and I had to stand up and confess asking the school to release the small boys that I was the one they were after. They gladly arrested me and left my boys. I confessed to taking only two chickens in my whole four years in the school and that I never ate the head of the chickens and that I went into this career because of my hatred of the cold Amala and tasteless beans they served us daily. I pleaded for my release offering my services to them which was to work with them to curb the activities of chicken stealers in the school.

So my dear daddy, this story is for you. Even though the EFCC has come out to say they cannot tie anything to you just yet, I feel that as a serious leader, you should come out and say something for there is no way in this world that Dasuki could have done all these without some kind of authority or instructions. You cannot sit and watch people who worked for your reelection suffer like these while you keep mute. Please come out and take responsibility, take a stand like a man.

Thank you Sir.

Read more

Joseph Edgar is and Investment banker, Award winning writer/author. He blogs fro a satirical point of view at

4 thoughts on “Good luck Jonathan Speak Now! By Joseph Edgar”

  1. Bomi says:

    Sometimes it’s hard to know when Joseph is serious about a subject.

    I’ll like to also say that sometimes the subordinates go extra mile to protect the misdeeds of their boss, they take one for the team, they’ll rather die than let their boss be ridiculed.
    Let’s take Muslims as a case study, they go extra mile, to uphold the image of Allah and Muhammad, while extremists cause a lot of chaos in the name of Allah. They do all these not because the Almighty Allah can’t fight His battle but because they’re dedicated to the cause.

    Gen Odumegwu Ojukwu left the power of Biafra to his second in command Gen staff major-General Phillip Effiong, while he flee to neighbouring country ivory Coast, all his subordinates were aware of it, but stood by that decision to protect their General even if it will cost their lives. They literally escorted him to the airport to help him escape prosecution. Chinua Achebe called this act, the act of depriving Yakubu Gowon the closure he desperately needed after the war. Even though they lost the war, they all find solace in the fact the General is safe.

    I guess those been accused by EFCC, choose to protect their boss, cos they’ll rather be imprisoned than see their boss behind bars, whether they confess or not they’ll end up behind bars, so they’ll prefer to deprive this administration the goal of tarnishing the image of GEJ.

    You may see this as stupidity but It’s called commitment and dedication, to protect something or someone you adore. Even the almighty Joseph the genius Edgar will do anything to protect his little princess, even going to jail to protect her honor, that’s how committed he is as a father.
    scientists see religion and the holy book of all religions we all cherish our lives to, as a myth, so what seems stupid to you may mean a lot to others, hence one man’s food is another man’s poison.

    1. Seyifunmi Slick Ojomu says:

      Seconded, I agree with you

  2. Ahmed says:

    I love this!

  3. Anonymous says:

    Chai! This story reminded me of my days at command secondary school kaduna. If u talk u be judas, if u no talk u go suffer.. I think gej should say something, even if it is to say that he is innocent.. Meanwhile, on the day buhari won, gej called him. What they discussed will be a secret for ever… That is politics for you.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *